Jenn vs. The Scale

Here I am, once again, weight loss attempt #who knows? I feel like my struggles with my weight are starting to define me. At this point in my life I should be a weight loss coach - I know so many tips and tricks, recipe modifications, healthy fats vs. unhealthy fats, carbs vs. proteins, and workout regimens. Hell, I could be a fitness guru. Yet...here I am, still struggling. I hate it. I would love to blame my genetics for my body composition and while I know they play a part I also know I have to take responsibility for my intake and output (there was only one in a million chances I was going to end up thin with my DNA makeup - that one  thin gene went to my brother, damn him!). Unfortunately for me I was blessed with the metabolism that requires me to accountable 99.9% of the time. Bleh.

I realize I'm not morbidly obese and 25 pounds does not qualify me for The Biggest Loser but it's still enough weight to make me feel like a failure. Constantly self conscious. Constantly comparing myself to others. Wishing I could wear a bikini or a perfect pair of designer jeans. Just once I would love to forget about belly fat, back fat, love handles and sucking in. About the only things I love to try on in a department store are shoes and bags. Oh yeah- and jewelry.

So once again, my friends, I've rejoined Weight Watchers. I've been a member at a few different points in my life but most successfully before my wedding. I was extremely motivated at that time in my life and I was determined to lose the weight. I didn't want to look back on any wedding photos and feel any disappointment in myself. On my wedding day, I was the thinnest I had been since high school.

Slowly but surely over the last few years the weight has crept back on. Not entirely but enough to where I just feel disappointed, frumpy and frustrated. I only have myself to blame. I have lots of excuses and a crazy life but ultimately I control my weight. I know this...I've always known this. So why does it have to be so hard?

I'm hoping this time will be different. I'm hoping the lifestyle modifications will stick with me for good. I know I will always have to count calories, watch my portion sizes and exercise regularly and I want these things to come naturally, like breathing, just something I do without having to constantly think about it. So this time, I may not have the motivation of fitting into a wedding dress, but I have the motivation to want a better, healthier, and thinner life for myself. I'm putting my right foot forward, tracking my WW points and attending my weekly meetings. Accountable. Excited. Motivated. So if you see me out and about, feel free to ask me, "how many points is that?"